The Self-Love Myth & Why Acceptance Matters More

"Love yourself first."

"Fall in love with yourself."

We’ve all heard these phrases more times than we can count. They sound beautiful—almost poetic—but if we’re honest, they often feel empty. Just words, passed around, mostly by women, yet rarely lived by them.

Why?

Because loving yourself is one of the hardest things to do. And that’s because self-love isn’t just a feeling, it’s an experience shaped through relationships.

I have yet to meet a woman who effortlessly gazes at her reflection, overflowing with love for herself every moment of every day. That’s not how love works.

Love isn’t just a noun. It’s a verb. It’s an action.

So, what if instead of struggling to love ourselves, we asked a different question?

How do you love another person?

What do you do for them? How do you care for them?

When you have that answer—do those things for yourself.

But even then, it may not feel like love. And that’s okay.

So, I stopped trying to force self-love. Instead, I focused on self-acceptance—embracing my flaws, my struggles, and the parts of me that sometimes fall short. And in that acceptance, I found something deeper than self-love. I found peace.

Love Comes in Many Forms

The way you love your child.

The way you love your parents.

The way you love your siblings.

The way you love your friends.

The way you love your work, your passions, the beauty of nature.

Each of these is love, expressed differently. So why do we expect self-love to feel just one way?

For many of us, love was something we learned, hopefully, from our parents. They were meant to show us our worth, to teach us what love feels like.

But if they didn’t, how could we possibly know?

That’s why so many of us search.

Maybe a grandparent showed you love. Maybe a mentor, a friend, or even a child did. The wounds left by our parents run deep because they shape our understanding of love itself.

But here’s the truth: Love already surrounds you. The real question is, can you accept it?

The Reflection of Love

Can you acknowledge the love in your life beyond romantic relationships? Can you allow it in?

We experience love through reflection, but we can only recognize in others what we accept within ourselves. If deep down, you don’t believe you are lovable, no amount of love from the world will ever feel like enough.

This is where the paradox lies: You don’t need to "love yourself" in the way the world tells you to, at least, not at first.

What you do need is to accept yourself.

Because when you truly accept yourself, you open the door to love in all its forms. You begin to see it, receive it, and feel it, not as something you force upon yourself, but as something that flows to you and through you effortlessly.

And one day, without even realizing it, you will feel love within yourself.

Not as a grand declaration of self-adoration, but as a quiet, unwavering truth.

The Search Ends Here

Instead of looking for love in places it doesn’t exist, start seeing the love that has been here all along.

The way your friends cherish you.

The way your child looks at you.

The way people in your life value you.

They are showing you. They are teaching you.

And at the core of it all, one question remains: Have you decided that you are worthy of love?

Because love isn’t something you chase, it’s something you choose.

With Love,

Elizabeth Walker