The Healing Hidden Inside Relationships

Why do we avoid the conversations that could heal us most?

Sometimes we hurt, we fear, and we suppress or repress our emotions just to avoid feeling them. We think we are feeling, but instead, we have allowed our brains to take over, lead us, and guide us. Ultimately, the analytical mind is ill-equipped to lead us toward true healing because it holds our ego. The ego was created to protect us from past pain, not to guide us into the future. When we rely on the ego for future guidance, we suffer. We suffer through the repetition of old patterns, traumas, and pain.

However, this repetition is actually happening for us. It gives us a chance to do it over, to do better, to stand up for ourselves, and to regain the power we lost when we couldn't protect ourselves—and when no one else did either.

When the Ego Protects the Wound Instead of the Future

When we are challenged within a relationship—which is the perfect environment for physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual growth—it gets even harder. It is easy to be alone because we aren't triggered by our old patterns as often. But the relationships we are brought into are meant to expand our horizons, heal our past, and create a better future.

In a relationship, we are shown the exact areas and aspects of our lives where we have the greatest potential for growth. Just like the growing pains we experienced physically as children, emotional growth in a relationship hurts. We cannot grow without feeling it. We cannot expand without experiencing the very things that call for healing—even if it means taking a very close look at past wounds and truly feeling them again, if only to learn how to relate to them differently in the present.

When we are in a conscious relationship, we become each other’s enlightened witness. We validate the unfairness or pain we were put through in the past. We become each other’s sanctuary of compassion and love, bearing witness to who and what we truly are in this world beyond the pain we have carried for so long.

Relationships Don’t Create Pain - They Reveal It

A relationship is not meant to be ‘Pleasure Island’ every day. It is not meant to be unicorns, rainbows, or beds of roses. It is meant to love us through the pain. It is meant to trigger us into healing and expand our existence into the acknowledgment of our own divinity.

That can be a tough ride. It is not easy to open up about the hurt we feel all over again when our partner triggers us. It is incredibly hard to open up to another person. It is vulnerable to be vulnerable. It is scary to feel fear. It is absolute hell to run the risk of being abandoned for who we truly are. Because of this, we need our partner to be a safe space, a sanctuary, and a source of complete trust. Otherwise, opening up is impossible.

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The Terrifying Risk of Being Truly Seen

Are you in a relationship where you can be completely open?

Have you ever tried, or do you automatically expect to be cast aside the second you reveal your old patterns, your hurts, and your pain? Do you expect to be understood, seen, and acknowledged, or do you expect to be treated unfairly by your partner, by life, and by your circumstances all over again?

Let me share this with you: If you are with your person, they will be there for you. You might trigger them right back, but this is precisely where we find the opportunity to learn true compassion for ourselves and for each other.

Remember, this applies to any relationship we have—with a mother, father, sister, brother, friend, or co-worker. We can learn from them all. But the closest bond of them all is marriage.

The Spiritual Purpose Behind Commitment

In ancient Indian texts, marriage was never viewed as just a romantic or social contract. It was considered a rigorous spiritual path. The Grihastha ashram teaches that marriage is the ultimate training ground for ego-transcendence. It forces your deepest, unhealed wounds, attachments, and selfishness out into the open so they can be burned away through patience and conscious awareness.

“By committing to one person, you stop shopping around for external validation and instead use the stability of the partnership as a base to do your inner work.” — Sadhguru

With all my love,

Elizabeth Walker